Warrior Nation - Blogs http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php Warrior Nation is about casual and competitive video game e-Sports expanding upon mind-shattering imagination within a world of virtual game play. en Thu, 17 May 2012 13:25:30 GMT vBulletin 15 http://warriornation.net/Forum/images/misc/rss.jpg Warrior Nation - Blogs http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php WNx History http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1194 Wed, 16 May 2012 09:19:21 GMT _*Games Joined/Transferred*_ *_Join Date:_* 06-13-2010 *_Game:_* Call of Duty United Offensive *_Joining Date Secondary:_* *_Secondary Game:_* Call of Duty United Offensive *_Date Switching Primary to Secondary:_* 12-29-2011 *_Transferring Game:_* Call of Duty United Offensive
Games Joined/Transferred

Join Date: 06-13-2010
Game: Call of Duty United Offensive

Joining Date Secondary:
Secondary Game: Call of Duty United Offensive

Date Switching Primary to Secondary: 12-29-2011
Transferring Game: Call of Duty United Offensive

Date Switching Secondary to Primary: 12-29-2011
Transferring Game: Call of Duty 4


Ranks


Call of Duty United Offensive
]]> WNxZizabye http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1194 Controller vs. Keyboard/mouse http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1192 Sun, 13 May 2012 17:55:14 GMT I've been playing Warhammer 40k: Space Marine since day zero. The game was announced a few years ago as a console only game. I think it was supposed to be Xbox only. Well, I scraped my brains off the ceiling when I found out they ported it to pc then downloaded the demo.

I hated the control scheme.

World of Warcraft had me hooked for a couple years, and at a basic level it uses a similar keyboard layout, but a shit-ton of games use wasd and mouse. It also shares a third person view. The strategies are far too different to even attempt to compare.

WoW is more a tactical combat game, relying on character powers and skills rather than Space Marine's reliance on action, and thus, a player's skill with his control interface.

So I went out and bought a Razer Onza Xbox controller. It worked great. The Space Marine demo made sense all of a sudden and with good reason, being a console port. The Steam pre-purchase of Space Marine came with Darksiders, another Xbox port and a sort of ultraviolent Legend of Zelda game that also worked great with the controller. If you must ask, for very same reason.

So, very familiarized with the controller after repeated play-throughs of the demo, and a fun time in the Darksiders game, Space Marine dropped and I got to kill an entire ork horde. With my trusty controller. The Emperor was pleased. With the short but gripping single player campaign finished, I needed more. After my time with WoW I've been reluctant to get off the multiplayer wagon, but for this game I had to try. It got me like crack to a two-dollar hooker. After dying repeatedly to the well trained players I became an adept assault marine and a vicious tactical marine.

I took a break for a while, a couple months I think, and came back to reach level 41. But it wasn't enough. I wanted to join a clan. So here we are now, brothers, and I want to apologize again for my recent gameplay level. I've put down the controller to learn keyboard/mouse. And I'm terrible at it.

The primary reason is so I can use push to talk. With no option on the Xbox controller and to make the standards required of Warrior Nation, the controller has to go. I'm ok with it. I'll write a review in the coming weeks explaining the Razer Onza's particular shortcomings.

The advantages of keyboard/mouse have always been apparent to me. I could tell when a player was using it. Assault class is twice the fighter and far more accurate on the jump attack. I find controlling the jump marine in the air to be much more robust. You can spin around to check six very easily, and switch directions, something nearly impossible on controller. Aim is much more fluid with a mouse. The controller feels like you are pushing through mud to turn and fire.

There is no question a controller is much more comfortable to play with. I find wasd to be kind of awkward. Often games cluster important buttons nearby that I either hit at the wrong time, (grenade button q, I hate you) or are just a bit hard to get a finger on. Shift to sprint comes to mind. My pinky just doesn't like to move that way.

The switch is only a couple days old and I'm getting a bit better. Assault marine comes naturally to the keyboard/mouse layout so I've been able to hold my own in tough games. Against poor quality opponents my tac marine (bolter targeter, Larriman's blessing) starts to come back a bit.

Its embarrassing being 41 with most unlocks and playing like a first timer noob with a bolter a homer because that's all you can wear.

Bear with me Space Marine section, I'm getting better.:stone_029:

-Meatball ]]> WNxKid Meatball http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1192 My new montag on youtube: Name The Veteran stay a way http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1191 Thu, 10 May 2012 23:12:41 GMT 3X420ZIszvk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X420ZIszvk i think i have improved from later videos. im right?? [HDYT]3X420ZIszvk[/HDYT]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X420ZIszvk
i think i have improved from later videos.
im right?? ]]> WNxHGN BLADE http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1191 Open beta for Spirit Tales http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1190 Wed, 09 May 2012 22:37:13 GMT In celebration of Open Beta, Every level up will earn a chance to win awesome prizes worth over $10,000! Especially, Log in the first 3 days of OBT at 5:30pm through 6:30pm PDT and then again at 7:30pm through 8:30pm PDT (for information on your time-zone: Click Here) and unwrap Awesome in game... In celebration of Open Beta, Every level up will earn a chance to win awesome prizes worth over $10,000!

Especially, Log in the first 3 days of OBT at 5:30pm through 6:30pm PDT and then again at 7:30pm through 8:30pm PDT (for information on your time-zone: Click Here) and unwrap Awesome in game rewards and a chance an Apple iPad!

http://st.koramgame.com/events/ Link for the information for open beta achievements/events. ]]> WNxAzia http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1190 Realm of the Titans Beta http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1189 Wed, 09 May 2012 22:15:30 GMT Attention all Titans! Beta is here! Simply login to your account on the RotT website and download the game! It is THAT SIMPLE to be a Titan! Check out the forums and learn about the latest tips and tricks. Titans, its time to prepare for battle! Bring all your friends for the largest battle... Attention all Titans!
Beta is here! Simply login to your account on the RotT website and download the game! It is THAT SIMPLE to be a Titan! Check out the forums and learn about the latest tips and tricks.


Titans, its time to prepare for battle! Bring all your friends for the largest battle of your lives! Like us on Facebook to keep updates on ROTT!

Email I just got. If you want to try it let me know and I will give you the info for the account. That is for those that don't feel like making on for Aeria. ]]> WNxAzia http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1189 Path of Exile open beta http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1188 Wed, 09 May 2012 15:18:04 GMT Want some dark RPG action this weekend, with all-new features and tons of flexibility?

We're opening up the Path of Exile Beta to everyone this weekend, May 11-13, so that we can stress-test our servers in preparation for entering Open Beta.

The last public weekend in March was a huge success and attracted a total of 47,000 players. We're keen to try to push that limit! There's a list of frequently asked questions about the public weekend here: http://www.pathofexile.com/publicweekend/

This week, we announced the Shadow, our Dexterity/Intelligence character class, which is available from the public weekend onwards. He prefers to use fast-hitting weapons such as daggers or claws to dart in and out of battle, while laying Traps or Remote Mines and controlling the flow of combat with deadly spells. You can read more about the Shadow here: http://www.pathofexile.com/classes/shadow/

Today we deployed the 0.9.9 Beta patch, which has been described as the most important patch that the game has ever had. In addition to adding ten new skills, four new support gems, a new quest, monster type and many bug fixes, it introduced a completely revamped monster AI and behaviour system. We're pleased to say that these changes have made Path of Exile more fun and challenging than it has ever been before.

If you enjoy the public weekend (or want to play earlier than that), we encourage you to support us by purchasing some microtransaction credit. All purchases grant Closed Beta access as our way of thanking you for your support. You're able to do this here: https://www.pathofexile.com/purchase/

I hope to see you this weekend!

Kind regards,
Chris Wilson
Grinding Gear Games ]]> WNxAzia http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1188 The noobian king is gone, but the grumpy gamer is here! LOL sorry! http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1187 Tue, 08 May 2012 18:30:51 GMT Well its been a while (lets not quote staind shall we LOL) ... since I last blogged, posted and generally did much at all around the WN. Deeply personal reasons, and also a complete loss of faith in and within the WN itself... ...A lot of change over a short period of time, but not... Well its been a while (lets not quote staind shall we LOL) ...

since I last blogged, posted and generally did much at all around the WN.

Deeply personal reasons, and also a complete loss of faith in and within the WN itself...
...A lot of change over a short period of time, but not necessarily for the betterment of the WN as a whole...
... stagnation within the upper rafters of the greater conurbation known as the WN and a turnstyle looking tracker of ranks and positions changing down towards the bottom end...
...in the meantime those in the middle get left with the feeling of being unloved and un-needed...
...pawns within a greater game...
...and the game became boring...


.. so to this point and a busy personal life i left the WN (well, effectively did), i essentially went into standy mode and bar the minimum posts and roll call i have been AFK from the WN and the boards...

during this time I lost touch with a lot of good close friends I had made within the WN, through COD, console, Delta and the Justice Department (shout to Fatal Virus and Darknyte at this point - kinda have to has they have the pointiest sticks when it comes to handing out the punishment LOL), and this has saddened me. Some of the people i knew well and gamed a lot I actually have no idea if they are still here or gone or reached a higher plane of existance, no not as high as 4evawasted, that mother fucka is HIGH LOL...

.. but i see some friendly familiar faces still here, different colours, different positions but still some of the old gaurd ( and by that i mean the good guys, yoda - han solo - chewie etc LOL) - subsitute names used to protect identities of cours LOL - but for seeing the old guard i knew and loved still here and strong I feel that a toe dipped in the water is not enough and I should jump back in...

... i must admit hearing of blops 2 coming in november this has also excited me HEHE...

... so from noob to grumpy.,.

... well apart from the general realisation that Im a pappy to 3 boys, a husband to one wife, and genuinely run on monster drinks now to keep up with everything, the pending 28th birthday in september has sparked off the midlife i think, and as such its time to get the inevitable summer 2 seater convertable, welded drift and rear wheel drive of course, steer from the rear, build it drift it kill it i think the appropraite phrase is...

.. i have come to the point where i have learnt a lot and now i get frustrated that others wont, dont, or cant be arsed to learn what i know when its either useful, important or vital to benefit from my wealth of worldly knowledge..

.. so i come to the realisation that I am a grumpy, a grumpy gamer, i dont rage at young nublets who dont know what they are doing, or who need to get out from their transformer wallpapered bedrooms covered in soft core calenders and south park merchandise and get a life... so i can carry on gaming on my xbox in peace...

more blurbs blogs and general antics to follow...

i would just like to take this oportunity to welcome ME back into the folds of the WN.

LOL ]]> WNxTHINbot007 http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1187 Just some fun things for me. http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1186 Mon, 07 May 2012 17:02:15 GMT If you ever get sad, think of a T-Rex trying to masturbate


*I will try to post every day a 'funny' line.* ]]> WNxLeg3nd http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1186 Bam bam! http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1185 Sun, 06 May 2012 13:48:30 GMT Is it me or does everyone wish they could slam people around like Hulk did Loki in Avengers?lol The face Hulk did after he slammed Loki's arse was freaking priceless.lol ]]> WNxAzia http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1185 Thought for today! http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1184 Wed, 02 May 2012 17:11:19 GMT What the hell makes you think you are going to get positive feedback from negative friends?! Thought for today people. Enjoy your day and be safe people! What the hell makes you think you are going to get positive feedback from negative friends?! Thought for today people. Enjoy your day and be safe people! ]]> WNxAzia http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1184 a little more inspiration. http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1183 Sun, 29 Apr 2012 14:05:35 GMT ok so here is a little more inspiration. plus, in 10 days, I'll put up the exercises and my vertical jump.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSAtC...aJfbE46K__N1Rg

Courage, Expectation, Tradition.
To Understand the best, you have to look closer.
What's revealed is that sweat and bruises,
Heart and Heroics
None of these can guarantee success.
But success never comes without them.
When is victory decided?
The perfect moment?
The right time?
These are not things you wait for,
These are things you create
Through Focus and Discipline,
Moves and Might
Because tomorrow can easily become next year
And because the touch of gold plating beats the search for a silver lining.
It's an obsession
And when you model on greatness more than you share,
It is never enough.
It becomes about denying others
Almost as much as getting your own.
It becomes about leaving your mark.
Inspect the trophy, finger tips do not come off
It's how we know who was the best. ]]> WNxShocker http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1183 Travian section within WN http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1182 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 13:22:05 GMT Well Hello there.
If you're reading this I'm presuming it's because you're bored with nothing better to do.

Well how about I give you something better to do with your time than read this bio? How about I show you a really addictive game. It's called Travian. If you've ever played Ogame then this game is quite similar but it has alot of improvements on Ogame. It's suprisingly addicitive which has made me name it: Heroain (A parody of Ogame sections "Ocrack").

Now if you like Free RTS's that play 24/7 so you can play other games at the same time then why not try Travian?!?!

To read a bit more on Travian:
http://warriornation.net/Forum/showthread.php?t=718189

If you want to go play Travian sign up for:

UK6 server (Americans can play UK6 aswell)

When it prompts you for where on the map you want to spawn chose the top left quadrant (North West)

Message Kriegy when you get ingame or search for WNx in the alliance tabs.

To play Travian: http://www.travian.co.uk/?uc=uk6_64562

Just click the above link, it'll take you to UK6 as standard.

Why I want people to play Travian: I'm trying to bring it into WN as a section, currently I have 14 in the alliance, but theres about 16 playing at the moment, mostly new players who'll be signing up to the forums.

Once I get 10 members to sign up as primary we go into dev and get our own section which is great, currently theres 2 confirmeds. need 8 more (need to ask the others to sign up, 1 did it off his own back which is great).

So for those who want a game to play whilst playing another game: Try Travian, it's a great secondary game, Maybe even primary after awhile! :) ]]> WNxRip http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1182 Evolution part 2 http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1181 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 18:56:40 GMT The next couple of weeks were pretty rough. I felt for my mom more than anything. She later said my sister was there to handle all the appointments and phone calls, and that I was there to help her emotionally. We got through the funeral and had him cremated. Just me and my sister spoke. I didn't have anything written down but just spoke from the heart. I felt it was kind of a brutal eulogy at best. I didn't pull any punches or lie about the man my dad had been or my shitty relationship with him. I told everyone, all his family and old friends, that they all new my father better than I. I just knew the man he grew into after the weight of his life had broken him. Still though many people said it was a good speech and very intense... intense seems an odd word to use but eh, that's what they said.

After that.... things got weird in a good way. I went to my SECOND therapy appointment, imagine how that went. The first time around- Yeah I'm just feeling down about some stuff. Second time around- Yeah same as before, and my dad is dead. My therapist about had a fit. What was really surprising... I had never felt better. I felt free. My therapist nailed it in saying that perhaps my father had been holding my whole family back. We were all always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and now that it had we all exhaled. I realized that I was in control of my life, that I could do whatever I wanted. I was positive and forward thinking. I opted to try out anti depressants, a big deal for me given the stigma I attach to prescription meds. They worked really well and after that I just went on a working spree. There was some traveling. Helping a friend fight boredom house sitting out of state and going to visit my dad's stepmom. I got a little inheritance and blew it unregrettably like any 21 year old would. Life was good and is still pretty good to this day.

I got pretty down about my girl problems, or even lack of girls to have problems with haha. When you were going through what I went through in highschool, you didn't have any self confidence, self value, and you were embarrassed about your home life. So I had no social network and definitely no opportunities for romance. I also worked from home, didn't go to school, and didn't have a car. I did manage to move out though, which was pretty nice lol and I'm loving where I currently live. But still, my lack of self confidence on the women front was bugging the hell out of me.

I posted on facebook about it and this guy I'd hung out with before infrequently said he might be able to help. He basically just stepped in as a male role model for me. He showed me how to take all the revelations I was having about life and implement them on the romantic front to. I realized once again, I was as good as anyone. I had always been a prideful person and thought pretty highly of myself, and I realized that's because other people got that vibe as well. The only thing holding me back romantically was me. I had another revelation. As much as you can be your own worst enemy, you can in equal parts be your own best ally. There were a whole lot of 'fuck yeah, me!' moments. I started working out again. I started going out to bars and clubs as much as possible just to be sociable and meet people. I started realizing who it was I wanted to be and headed in that direction. I realized that socially I was as powerful as I allowed myself to be. All this weird counter intuitive stuff. I started surrounding myself with similar minded people. Lost 20 pounds. All this good stuff :D I became a person that sought out ways to grow. I believe most people walk through life in a reactionary daze. They wait for circumstances to be forced upon them so they grow. I decided I wanted to find opportunities to grow and take charge of my life.

That's been the last few months. Recently, with job and financial troubles, I haven't been able to go out as much, but other than that, things have still been really good. Playing a lot of league of legends now.

Ya know I've realized I'm out of things to talk about. Maybe I just wanted to blog about my dad dying, idk. Hopefully this was a somewhat enjoyable read, and if you're sad about anything I've written remember the most important part of a story is the ending. It paints over whatever else has been said. I know this story has a happy ending, even if I don't know what it is yet.

-Nate

Oh yeah! My father was a musician and audio engineer, and my mother a singer. That's how they met in fact. This is the only recording I currently have of them playing, if you're interested.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEQpi...ure=plpp_video ]]> WNxProphecy http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1181 <![CDATA[Been a while hasn't it? This time around, Prophecy and the evolution of a nerd. Pt.1]]> http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1180 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 18:56:13 GMT CRAP! Some how I highlighted and deleted my first 2 paragraphs. Fuck. Ok well let me sum up real quick and move on.

First blog in forever. Last one was about my GED. I'm going to try and connect the dots between then and now. My mom moved back in. This motivated me to get my GED. It snapped me out of my depression I had no idea I had, as I'd been depressed my whole life and had nothing to compare it to. I started working from home for a small company. Started sliding back, realized it, and decided to fight it. I had an epiphany. Lets pick up there.

I had this epiphany that there was nothing wrong with me. That I was as good as anyone and deserved happiness as much as anyone. I also realized that true, good happiness requires work, and I must undertake this work. Realizing I could actually control my mindset and emotional state were alien to me, but made me exhilarated. Still though, it wasn't easy. When you have the kind of depression that's a true long term chemical imbalance, you don't have much of a choice when it comes to feeling bad or good. The way it was explained to me; You have incidental depression, like say your sibling dies. Obviously you'd be very sad for a good deal of time. There's a triggering INCIDENT that causes the depression, but because it is not your brains natural state to be depressed, it fights it's way back to normal. Then you have clinical/chemical depression. This is where you are in a depressed state for so long that it becomes the norm and doesn't fight.

This is what I had. I don't like cross bearing so it took a friend to point out to me that this was totally plausible given how my life had gone. My father was in a constant state of declining health and my mothers drug addiction and recovery took the person I though I knew as a mom and replaced her with a new one. All of this happened in those crucial years where you emotionally develop, the teenage angst years. But now, realizing that there was another side of the fence, I decided to fight back. I began getting into therapy. After my first session I felt great. I was hopeful. I knew depression was something I could beat and that thought alone made me excited. Then between my first and second therapy sessions, something remarkable happened. My father died.

It was June or July of last year, I'm terrible with dates. About a week before he died he came and told us, my sister, mother, and myself, that he had run out of his pain meds. This was pretty standard. He'd over dose himself, run out, and then get sick until they got refilled. I don't mean like a cold sick. I mean like cold turkey detoxing from heroin sick. With the amount of pain meds he was on, it was at least that bad if not worse. But still, this was normal affair. He got sick as expected. It wasn't until he got to the point he couldn't walk he was so weak that we got worried. The last time that had happened was when he'd first been prescribed xanax. He took a months supply in about 10 days. He was so fucked up he forgot to take any of his pain pills. He forgot to eat, drink, sleep. He kinda just was in a daze. I had to pick him up twice off the floor because he was too weak and disoriented to get up himself. Once thankfully my mother was there to help, as me picking up my 300+ pound father had caused him more harm that good. I don't know why I feel the need to share these details but for some reason I feel the need to justify everything. I don't know how to really explain it. There's a feeling of having to pick up your sweaty, unwashed, and filthy father that I don't think I can describe. You just kind of go numb. Here's this person that is supposed to be your father, a person you look up to, reduced to the operational efficiency of a 1 year old.

We got worried then because of the last time I just described. By the end of the previous episode we had him taken to the hospital where they found out his kidneys were failing. So when he couldn't get up anymore and we had to start using a bed pan, we got really worried. After a day of that I confronted him about going to the hospital. I was so angry. He asked me to empty his bed pan or something, I can't remember. I asked him if he was too weak to walk, he said yes. I asked him then wouldn't he agree it was time to go to the hospital? If he can't even make it to the bathroom? He got pretty mad. He said everything would be ok when he got his meds refilled. I don't remember much else. I think I sort of went numb and turned off. The parts I do remember is me grabbing the house phone and saying either you can call 911 or I will call them for you. This made him very angry. I wasn't about to listen to anything he had to say though. I had made my decision, and sometimes loving someone means doing what is right for them even if they hate you for it. I called an ambulance. They came out. And of course the prideful prick that is my father never looked better than when the paramedics were checking him out. He denied anything serious was happening. The lead paramedic came back out and told me that they couldn't take him to the hospital. They told me that he wasn't in a life threatening condition and that he was refusing to go. They told me if I thought he NEEDED to go I could call the police. They would come out and examine him and if they felt it necessary send him to the hospital for 72 hours. I said I think that it's ok. I don't know why I didn't mention his feces had been little more than water and blood for the past several days, or if I did and they didn't mark it as a big deal. I don't know why I didn't call the police.

After the EMTs left I went back to my room. I could hear him calling for me. I ignored him for a while but eventually went to his room. The first thing he asked me was if I was happy now. I had never heard a more hurtful statement from my father. I told him no, I wasn't happy. He tried to argue but I yelled over him. I can be very loud, and shut up and listened. I asked him if he realized what he was doing. If he realized that we all loved him and watching him brush with death time and time again was tearing the family apart. I don't remember anything else. I blanked out again. I remember him starting to cry and I realized that I wasn't getting anywhere, I realized that all I was trying to tell him was how much we all loved him and wanted him to get better, but how frustrating it was watching him refusing to do so.

God fucking dammit. I just wrote another 4-5 paragraphs, hit go advanced, and it wiped it. Fucking hating this blogging system atm. fuck. Ok I'll try to rewrite everything.

I realized I wasn't getting anywhere I wanted so I got him some water and emptied his bed pan. Then somehow I managed to get some sleep. His prescriptions got filled the next day. I saw him for the last time around 10 or 11 am. I emptied his bed pan again, got him some water, and left for the day. He died between 4-6pm. My mom found him at 12am after she got off work. I was just getting ready to go to sleep at a friends house when my sister called me. The conversation went like this-

"Nathan, you need to come home, dad's dead."

"Like dead dead?"

"He's dead."

"Are they still working on him or is he cold dead?"

"He's actually dead. You need to come home."

My friends mom was the only one still awake and I didn't have a car. She took me home. She said something like the only time she'd seen my father he'd looked like a corpse. She's a nice lady so I'm sure she had good intentions at heart.

When I got home we pulled up on the far side of all the emergency vehicles. my sister met me in our driveway. There wasn't any hugging or crying. While me and my sister are the best siblings we can be and love each other, both of us have a really strong crisis management mode we go into. She wasn't there to console me and I didn't need consolation. She was there to report. She told me what happened and where mom was.

I heard my mom crying on the porch and went to her. What do you do? As a man, there's nothing more unnatural than watching your mother cry. I don't think you can feel more lost. I hugged her and gave her a break from answering the police and EMT's questions. They needed someone to go and get his pills for them as some were unaccounted for. I said I would as there was no way I'd let my mom go back in there and my sister didn't know where he hid them.

Also I had to see him. I don't know if I can explain this. It didn't make sense. Would not compute. I couldn't register that my dead was dead. Even when I saw him nothing clicked. I had to touch him. I touched his arm and felt the coldness. I held his hand for a bit. He had just been sitting on the side of his bed, and laid down with his legs still dangling. I'd seen it countless times when he'd take his painkillers and zone out. I wish I had opened his eyes. But he did look very peaceful. You can tell when someone died in pain and he had not.

I had to go back to find more pills and just looked at him for awhile. Not really thinking, just feeling and trying to figure out what I was feeling. I wasn't really sad or mad, even though I wanted to be and I was getting mad about not being sad or mad which is actually kind of funny. More than anything it just felt unfair. Like if you had an ice cream cone and a tiny meteor hit it and destroyed it. It was so unfair on a cosmic level you can't even be mad, or feel a sense of loss, as there was no choice and nothing you could have done.

Part 2- http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1181 ]]> WNxProphecy http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1180 hello http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1179 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 15:16:14 GMT hello blog. i will use u one day. i wont even buy you dinner hello blog. i will use u one day.

i wont even buy you dinner ]]> WNxJDizm http://warriornation.net/Forum/blog.php?b=1179